self portrait, 2011
"To solve a (physics research) problem involves assumption after assumption, approximation upon approximation, and those great leaps of imagination people call thinking outside the box. it involves the ability to move forward, follow your intuition, and accept that you don't fully understand what you are doing. And most of all, it entails believing in yourself."-Leonard Mlodinow, 2003
Applicability to me: Not really sure. But then, yes. It kind of explains why I think and think and think, and then think some more. The only times I have solved a problem is when I actually took action, did something, moved forward even if the proposed solution landed me flat on my face.
Moving forward. It is the only way I can get through the problem I have right now. Releasing the past and realizing that it is exactly that, the past. What part? Work? Most definitely. I will never have a job like the one I had at Store W. But then again, I may not really want a job quite like that one either.
But I don't think that is really my problem either. I think it has to do more with my creativity. I really need to find a way to harness it without it becoming a chore. Cliche...do what you love and the money will follow. Old news. But what I am really after is doing what I love, and the happiness following. That has a broader spectrum of inclusion than just money.
How about fear? That is definitely a problem. Again, cliche...the only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Truer than I really want to admit. Fear has paralyzed me in the past, and probably still today. It has no benefit (except when you are running from something like a bear). I have made my greatest strides and had the highest self esteem rating when I stood up in front of the crowd and thumbed my nose at what they expect of me and followed my heart. I should do that sort of thing again, more than once more I suppose;)
I had a friend once tell me that they really admired (for lack of better words right now) my free spirit. I never looked at my life path in the light of being a free spirit until she brought it to my attention. I had always been labeled as "unfocused", a "gypsy", "aimless", "unsettled". I suppose. Not really. I have always been in the pursuit of happiness.
It's amazing what you can figure out when you write it down.